


Ellis Rising

by LeafiniteLittle



Category: Original Work
Genre: Age Regression, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, American Sign Language, Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Autism, Autistic Character, BDSM, Bisexual Male Character, Bondage and Discipline, Brain Damage, Caregiver/little, Cerebral Palsy, Classifications, Depression, Diapers, Disabled Character, Doctors, Dom/sub Play, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Empath, Flashbacks, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Laxatives, Little Space, Littles, Male Homosexuality, Masochism, Medical, Medical Conditions, Medical Kink, Medical Procedures, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Pacifiers, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, Psychic Abilities, Restraints, Sadism, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Speech Disorders, Stimming, Stuffies, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Survivor Guilt, Telepathy, Trust Issues, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2020-05-12 12:35:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19229275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeafiniteLittle/pseuds/LeafiniteLittle
Summary: A disabled Ellis lives with her boyfriends, Avery and Merrill, and the three try their best to make things work.When life becomes too much for Ellis, Avery and Merrill know just what to do to nurse her broken spirit back and help her rise above the storm.





	1. Omen (E)

**Author's Note:**

> The content is for mature readers only, as the story does contain numerous references to disability, various mental health issues, and suicidal thoughts/actions. I will post warnings, but please read at your own risk.
> 
> Feel free to leave kudos, comments, or ideas! It feeds the muse. And be sure to click the rec (recommendation) button when making bookmarks.
> 
> The story as a whole is heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. I really enjoy writing it.
> 
> I’ll update at least monthly, but more often if I have the time. Thanks and enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: Suicide attempt and mention of self-harm.
> 
> These first few chapters will be dark and heavy, but things will get better. I promise.

The lake’s dark water was cold against the woman’s clothed skin as she waded into its depths, though she hardly noticed the icy sting.

When her covered feet no longer touched the bottom, she didn’t attempt to swim. She didn’t attempt to hold her breath, but exhaled the air in her lungs, then breathed, flooding her airway with water.

There was nothing but the darkness now. There was no place to swim. The rocks in her coat continued to pull her down.

The water numbed her limbs and there was a dizzying realization that she was drowning. There was no going back.

She tried to fight as the water burned in her lungs, her arms and legs giving out in exhaustion.

Darkness shrouded her mind as a new feeling coursed through her, the panic subsiding. It was almost over. She felt detached from her body. Why was she fighting? The darkness was soft and warm. Soft thoughts were easy.

She sank farther under, incoherent and far away. Fading in and out, she let herself succumb to the rising darkness.

* * *

Three summers had passed since that day. Ellis Emerson sat slumped against her bedroom door. Her blonde hair hung down to her shoulders as she nervously played with it, trying to soothe herself. Her shirt sleeves were rolled up to her elbows, exposing the jagged, uneven scars on her left wrist and arm.

She was crying, again, and it was all too much to bear. More often than not, she found the idea of life overwhelming. She didn’t want to be saved and barely remembered the flurry into the hospital after her boyfriend, Avery Harper, found her suicide note and rushed into the lake to rescue her.

She never wanted any of it. Not the pain of her mental health, her parents’ deaths, or the multiple hospitalizations.

Then again, she bore more than her fair share of adversity in her twenty-three years. Born premature and ill, the doctors and her parents never thought that she would live past her first week. Instead of welcoming a new life, her parents took her home to die. Nurses checked in daily to aid in hospice care and console her parents.

“They never thought I would live, but I cheated death. That’s all this is, an extra life!” she sobbed. The self-deprecating monologue in her head agreed. _Undeserving_. _Worthless_. _Not good enough_.

Three days after birth, she suffered a major hemorrhagic stroke. That alone should have killed her, but she survived. The cerebral palsy left her disabled and the doctors said that she may never walk on her own.

“Why did it have to happen? Was this my punishment?” An involuntary spasm racked through the left side of her body.

However, little Ellis fought on against the doctors’ predictions. She began to improve and surprised them all, turning into a happy child, the threat of illness and death behind her.

Her muscles would always be overly tight, but at least she could walk, and she learned how to do most things with her unaffected right hand. Her left hand was splayed out, fingers stiff, and turned outward. She had some limited use with grasping and holding things, but she couldn’t even wiggle her fingers or count numbers on that hand.

A short knock on the opposite side of the door broke her from her thoughts. “Elle, can I come in? I know you’re hurting.”

“Is it just you, Mer?”

“Yes,” the man, Merrill Kendrick, answered. “Avery is still on his shift at the hospital.”

Ellis sniffled, then moved aside, unlocking the door. Merrill opened the door, cautiously looking around the room before looking at her. His face dropped in relief. Had he thought she was hurting herself again?

“I don’t have anything sharp, I swear,” she said, pulling her shirt sleeves down to her wrists. Even though it was May, she still wore long-sleeved shirts to hide the scars. Perpetual reminders of the past seemed to find her, relentless and unyielding.

“I believe you, _mon lapin_.”

Ellis giggled a little through her tears, not caring that her glasses were already wet. _Mon lapin_. My rabbit. The French language always did have a certain, pleasing sound to it.

“How were finals?” Merrill asked, kneeling down to sit on the floor. He took her hands lightly and closed his eyes. The last few days were trying, only proving to worsen her self-confidence. She needed the credits, but the work rattled her.

“Ah, I see. Well, it’s all over now, isn’t it? Let all those bad thoughts go. You’re done for the semester. No more worrying.”

She reached out and stroked his black hair, then rubbed the cotton twill fabric of his plaid shirt between her fingers, liking the soft texture. When he first read her, she was sure it was a joke. Psychics weren’t real anyway, just con artists looking for quick cash.

Yet, he, an empath and a telepath, was undoubtedly real. She didn’t believe in magic and neither did he, but he trusted his abilities. A warm sense of calm radiated from him, keeping the monster in her head at bay, but it could only be caged for so long.

“Would you like some lunch? Avery’s shift ends later tonight, but I know he’d want you to enjoy your last day.”

Ellis laughed. “What, no three-way date this time?”

The three of them lived together and considered themselves a triad. Ellis and Avery met Merrill two years ago and, after a while, they all decided to take the jump into polyamory. It worked well once they got over some bumps. The emotional and mental load of the relationship was not restricted to one person, freeing them from the fear of trying to manage everything alone.

While Avery and Merrill’s involvement with each other was often driven by their sexual dynamics, Ellis didn’t want sex. However, she still shared a strong romantic relationship with both men and after several months of dialogue, they figured out a working system so that everyone’s needs were met.

Merrill shook his head. “No, not today. However, we can still make the best of it. Did you take your medication?”

Ellis sighed. Bupropion for depression and methylphenidate for ADHD in the morning, escitalopram for anxiety in the evening, with an occasional sleeping pill.

She was back on track after recently skipping them for two weeks and hitting withdrawal. She barely did anything during that time except lie on the couch while the monster overtook her every thought, feeling detached from her body and her surroundings as time passed in a haze.

Luckily, Avery was a doctor and was able to intervene before the withdrawal became any worse, then began tracking her pills with an organizer.

She felt her body flush defensively, but she couldn’t blame Merrill for asking. “Of course. You could have checked the organizer. I’ve been taking them now and they’re helping, I promise.”

“I know. Remember, you’re never alone in this, no matter what the monster in your head says. We’re always here for you, Ellis.”

He helped her up from the floor and they walked out to his car. She walked slower than him and with a limp, her steps clearly audible with heavy footfalls from her orthotic. The multicolored plastic brace went up to her knee and kept her left foot and calf in proper alignment.

She could walk without it, but her ankle was too weak to perform a proper heel strike and her foot turned outward, so she wore orthotics since infancy to normalize her gait. They didn’t fix the problem, nothing could, but they corrected her movement by immobilizing her ankle while she wore them to prevent her foot from dropping.

When Ellis got in the car, she had a strange, uneasy feeling that this was the deciding moment in her life when things changed. This moment, as they went out to eat at a diner?

It felt good, but good things were bad because something always took them away. She didn’t know whether it was just her mind playing tricks on her or not, but she took Merrill’s hand, nonetheless.

His green eyes unfocused, then cleared as he massaged her left hand, working at the spastic muscles. “I know. I feel it, too. Things are going to be different now. Face it with your head held high.”

Not feeling the least bit confident, Ellis tried to keep her thoughts from splitting into different directions. The anxiety would well up like water, suffocating her. Only this time, as Merrill grabbed her hand and chased away the bad thoughts, she knew for the first time she would rise above.


	2. Jitters (E)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: Mention of suicide and self-deprecating thoughts.

Ellis was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder after her first suicide attempt during her sophomore year of high school. She couldn’t hide it any longer and eventually told her parents about the bad thoughts, that she was being punished for surviving.

She was enrolled in therapy during her first hospitalization and that’s when the monster fully took hold of her. The therapy didn’t help much because while the therapists thought that she just refused treatment, they didn’t realize that there was no way out for her. She met the monster during childhood, and it remained ever since, the only thing she could count on with certainty.

She was ostracized and tricked at school for her disability and her speech. Sometimes, she would stutter, and other times it was difficult to speak and get out the words that she wanted. The students would laugh and she knew the teachers would only be so patient before they moved on.

She tried dating or even just making friends, but it never lasted. Once, she scheduled a date with a nice boy she knew named Eric, but he never showed.

Ellis sat. And Ellis waited, watching the people around her at the restaurant. As time passed, her heart sank. He didn’t want her anymore. He promised he would be there, didn’t he?

He must have decided that she was too broken. That he couldn’t handle taking care of someone like that. This wasn’t the first time it had happened.

 _And it won’t be the last_ , the voice in her head spoke. _Who would want you, anyway? A worthless cripple._

Still, Ellis didn’t cry. This was her fault for thinking she was good enough for a date. While everyone around her spoke positively, that she was a miracle for surviving what she did and that life would sort itself out, she knew their sugar-coated words were false.

It was just sympathy, because she knew people were uncomfortable around her and that they didn’t know what she really went through, struggling every day. She was sixteen when she finally learned to tie her shoes, but it still wasn’t good enough. She should have been able to do more.

Once again, the monster found her, and she realized then that the monster was the only voice that spoke the truth out of the endless voices that gave her lies day in and day out.

The monster came closer and she embraced it. It was the only thing that would keep her safe.

* * *

Avery came home later that night, after Merrill finished helping Ellis with her stretches in the living room. They sat on the couch, watching television.

Avery looked tired and his auburn hair was pulled back into a short ponytail. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes before coming over to kiss Ellis, then Merrill.

“How are you?” he asked them as he took off his long lab coat, revealing blue scrubs. Despite only being twenty-seven years old, two years older than Merrill and four years older than Ellis, Avery was a licensed medical science liaison.

He helped to supervise scientific studies and clinical data for the companies who worked with the hospital as they tested new medications and treatments. His primary duties included data analysis, presentation, testing, and research. Because most of his work was done on his computer, he could work from home and then discuss his reports with his colleagues at the hospital one or two days a week.

Avery’s full-length, white coat separated him from his peers. He was a prodigy, having graduated high school at sixteen, finished college at nineteen, then medical school at twenty-three. He finished his four-year residency training earlier last year, just shy of his twenty-seventh birthday.

His job was the bridge between healthcare companies and his fellow physicians. Because he had all the training of a medical doctor, he could still choose to work on certain cases on the side if he wanted.

Avery looked at Ellis, waiting for a reply. “I’m fine,” she answered. “Finals were difficult, but they’re over now.”

“Come on, Ellie, don’t downplay it,” Merrill said lightly. “I already told him earlier that you had a bad day.”

Avery sat down on the couch. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Ellis shook her head. “No.”

They knew what this week meant to her, the third anniversary of her parents’ deaths. All three of them knew it would be difficult.

“All right. Well, we’re here if you need to talk. You know that, don’t you?”

Looking at her with those loving blue eyes, Ellis still didn’t know what he saw in her when they met four years ago, both on summer vacation in New York City.

Her parents suggested that she take a year off before starting college and thought a getaway would be a good start. Little did she know that she would meet a kind and caring person who actually saw her for who she was. Even now, she still didn’t fully believe that he chose her.

“There’s grilled chicken in the fridge,” Merrill told Avery.

“Thanks, but I got food on my way out from work.” He glanced at Ellis, then went over to her, lightly holding her hands to keep her from picking at her cuticles. “Hey, don’t do that. You’ll only make them bleed again. They’re almost healed.”

One of her nervous habits was picking at her fingers. The skin around her nails was red and scabbed over, calloused in some parts.

Well, it wasn’t just a nervous habit, it was one of her stims. For better or for worse, Ellis wasn’t diagnosed with autism until high school. Her parents justified many of her symptoms due to her prematurity or brain damage, like avoiding eye contact, rocking, sucking on her fingers, or repeating sounds.

Coupled with the dual ADHD diagnosis, she had a difficult time keeping her thoughts in order and holding a linear conversation. Whether her conditions were from the stroke or not, she would never know, but she wondered how things would have turned out if she had gotten help sooner.

Avery cupped her face. “Come now, Ellis. What’s wrong?”

She noticed her right hand was up by her chest, fingers curled and wrist rotating as her hand flicked back and forth. A momentary lapse of control and there she was, hand flapping.

Despite trying to stop it, knowing it made her look like a freak, she couldn’t. Embarrassing memories resurfaced.

Ellis as a stupid little kid, fidgeting and moving in all sorts of ridiculous ways between her stims and her spasms during school, her excitement expressing itself.

She was caught up in the enthusiasm of so many great teachers and subjects around her, wanting to learn, but then she would shut down because of the overstimulating environments everywhere around her.

It wasn’t her fault that she would space out, but people called her unfocused and lazy. Between her parents, teachers, and therapists, it always seemed like she was letting the adults down.

How could Avery and Merrill say that her obnoxious stimming _didn’t_ bother them?

A few seconds more and Ellis’ natural movements took over. She rocked back and forth, the couch squeaking underneath her, her legs kicking to some internal rhythm as she clicked her tongue and bobbed her head.

Avery and Merrill didn’t look at her like a freak, like the freak she knew she was. She looked at them, hoping to find something encouraging, and they smiled at her.

Still, she was burdened by a sense of guilt and shame. Even though the stimming was familiar, doing it around people who really knew her wasn’t comforting. The grounding that once came from her stimming was noticeably absent due to her anxiety.

She slowed down and smiled back at the two men, both actions feeling awkward and out of place.

“You’re safe here, Ellie. We don’t mind. We’re not judging you,” Merrill said.

“I... I’m going to bed,” she forced out. “Good night.”

Avery and Merrill said the same in reply, then she went up to her room, shaking as she went to her desk to pull out coloring pages and crayons. Her hand hovered over a small, zippered cloth bag decorated with colorful owls before she closed the drawer.

No. She didn’t need them.

She picked out a color and started shading, trying to drown out the shouting in her mind. She was strong enough to resist, wasn’t she? Of that, she was unsure.


	3. Breakdown (E)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: Panic attack.
> 
> This is the start of the turning point, folks.
> 
> The sensory chews mentioned can be found here:
> 
> https://www.arktherapeutic.com/arks-textured-grabber-sensory-chew/

_Follow the routine. The routine will keep you safe._

Ellis learned early in elementary school that routines meant order. Order meant stability, predictability. Order meant safety, both mentally and physically.

And when that order was disrupted, danger was soon to follow.

“Ella! It’s all right! You’re safe!” her mother, Sophia, told Ellis as the seven-year-old girl was in the midst of a panic attack in the kitchen.

But it wasn’t all right. Ellis wasn’t safe. Didn’t her mother see that?

Her breath came in ragged draws and everything was too much now. Her clothes were too irritating, the lights too bright, the television in the living room too loud, and the scent of the pasta cooking on the stove too pungent.

Her weekly, after-school physical therapy appointment had been canceled. Her therapist, Emily, said that if Ellis didn’t keep up with her exercises, there would be consequences. Now, because she wasn’t being good, Emily didn’t want her anymore. She had failed.

“Ella! Ella!” Sophia cried. “Look at Mommy!”

Sophia sat Ellis down at the table and gave her coloring pages and crayons. “Could you color a pretty picture for Mommy, please? It would make Mommy happy.”

She needed to make Mommy happy. If Mommy and Daddy weren’t happy, they would leave her, too. She couldn’t risk that.

Sniffling, she picked up a crayon and began coloring. This would keep her safe, even as the monster gleefully ran laps in her head.

* * *

_Smooth out paper. Pick up blue crayon. Color sky blue._

The problem wasn’t that Ellis was unaware of what was happening around her—as many people had called her an oblivious child—the problem was that it was the opposite. Ellis was more than aware, sensing every small thing that went on around her.

_Put down blue crayon. Pick up green crayon. Color grass green._

However, more often than not, she got stuck, locked into doing something. Something that would narrow down to a pinpoint focus, no matter what else was going on. Even if other things going on were more important or urgent.

“Mission mode” she called it. Nothing else mattered within that space. When she would get stressed or overwhelmed about her environment, it would kick on, drawing her mind into itself.

Her stimming would also increase. Output to block input.

Rock. Kick legs. Click tongue. Output to block input.

_Put down green crayon. Pick up brown crayon. Color dog brown._

Ellis was scared. No, she wasn’t scared; she was terrified.

She needed to finish this picture. She needed this picture done or bad things would happen, the monster yelling at her, showing her bad thoughts. Bad things for her, Avery, and Merrill. Some small part of her knew it was illogical, irrational, yet the compulsion remained.

_Put down brown crayon. Pick up red crayon. Color flowers red._

It wasn’t working. She needed more relief.

_Five minutes and five minutes only._

Ellis put down the red crayon and opened the drawer, grabbing the owl bag. She unzipped it and pulled out three sensory chews. They acted as teethers for adults and were shaped like the letter P. The loop of each one was large enough for her to hold it in her hand.

Each one was the same design, made of silicone and studded with rectangular bumps around the stem and the shared side of the loop, circular bumps on the top of the loop, and no bumps on the last part of the loop.

What made each one different was its firmness. The magenta one was soft, the light green one medium, and the blue one firm.

She took the blue one and put the other two away. She held it and placed the stem on her back molars, then began chewing on it. It yielded ever so slightly as she bit down on it and counted to five, her irritation and anxiety lessening as her jaw worked.

She did that a few times, then removed it and bit down on the top part of the loop, running her tongue over the circular bumps on either side and the rectangular ones along the edge.

There was a brisk knock on her door, then Avery entered before Ellis could take the chew out of her mouth. Staring at him with what was basically a chew toy in her mouth, she felt like an idiot.

The blood rushed to her face and she took out the chew. Before she could speak, Merrill popped his head in through the doorway. “You’re not an idiot. He doesn’t think that and neither do I.”

“What do you want?”

“To talk,” Avery said. “School’s over for the semester and your position at the greenhouse is flexible.”

It was true. Ellis worked part-time at a greenhouse owned by her mother’s friend, Olivia, who knew about Ellis’ situation. That meant her hours and schedule were accommodating if she had any problems, even if she needed to take extended time off.

“Okay. So?”

“So,” Merrill said, “we want you to take some time for yourself. Your stress isn’t doing you any favors. You don’t need to play the stoic hero for us, Ellis.”

His voice came out softer, almost a whisper. “Or, do you think you’re trying to make up for your past?”

Well, shit. Of course she was. She was small and weak then, now she was bigger and stronger. She needed to be strong now because she wasn’t then. She needed to redeem herself.

“Ah. And there it is. Honey, you don’t need to do that for us. You don’t even need to do it for yourself.”

“Ellis, do you trust us?” Avery asked, slowly coming over and lightly squeezing her arm.

“Of course,” she said, even though she disagreed with the words.

Merrill shook his head. At first, Ellis thought the gesture was meant for her, until Avery removed his hand and stepped away.

“Ella, come here,” Merrill said, kneeling to sit down on the floor as he did earlier. He opened his arms as one would embrace a child.

“Ella”? That was new. Generally, it was either Ellis or Ellie. Only her parents called her Ella, and she recoiled at the memories. She didn’t want to feel them ever again.

“No… Don’t call me that.”

“Too soon, Mer,” Avery commented. “You’re not helping.”

Now, the men seemed so much larger to Ellis than they were. Merrill’s voice was far away. She was spacing, blocking them out, her mind going far back to those old memories.

She soon found herself sitting in his lap, unsure of how she got there. “Ellis, come back,” he repeated until she was fully cognizant again.

“W-what do you want?”

“We want to help you. You’ve been too strong for too long and it’s hurting you. You are hurting because a trust bond was broken when your parents died. You will keep hurting until a new trust bond is built. Avery and I want to help you build that bond. Will you let us help you?”

At the mention of her parents, Ellis began crying and soon was sobbing in Merrill’s arms.

“This type of hurt can quickly turn destructive and you’ve let it turn inward. You need to let it go and start again. Let us take care of things from now on. Can you do that?”

He was the one with a master’s degree in psychology, not her. What he said must have been true. She hiccupped and nodded. “I think so.”

He smiled. “Good. We’ll start in the morning.”

“But I need to finish my picture!”

“Take your meds first and then we’ll color,” Avery said. He left and when he came back, he handed her the usual tablet and a glass of water, along with a blue capsule. “Just for tonight,” he explained.

Generally, she wasn’t one for sleeping pills, but she didn’t put up a fight.

Then Avery and Merrill helped Ellis color each section until a brown dog was playing in a field of red flowers under a blue sky.

The picture was finished. She could relax now, sighing a breath of relief.

Avery helped her change into pajamas and tucked her into bed, with a kiss on the forehead. Merrill did the same.

“Here, take this,” Merrill said, holding out the magenta chew for her. Ellis took it, embarrassed yet relieved as she mouthed the soft silicone.

After they left, the bad thoughts started to drift away, and she was asleep within the hour. Tomorrow held the promise of a new day.


	4. New Beginning (A)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No hard warnings for this chapter, but Ellis is temporarily restrained.
> 
> Feel free to leave kudos, comments, or ideas! It feeds the muse. And be sure to click the rec button when making bookmarks.

When Avery first met Ellis in New York four years ago, he saw her potential behind her pain, her success behind her struggles. She was smart and humorous, wanting to go into the medical field to help others with neurological conditions.

When they talked further, they both realized that they lived in the same state, not far away from each other. They agreed to meet when they could and began dating after that.

When Ellis’ parents died a year later, she moved in with Avery. Naturally, she grieved, and it affected their relationship as they worked through the adjustment period.

He already knew that she didn’t want sex and accepted it, understanding that she still wanted a romantic relationship. Likewise, she knew that he was bisexual and accepted it.

Avery began the search for a third partner. When he found Merrill in a bar one evening—or, more correctly, Merrill found him—he knew he met the right person.

After some adjustment between everyone, the three got along fine, and it was Merrill with his experience in BDSM and age play who first identified that Ellis was a little.

* * *

Avery knew that Ellis was a little once Merrill explained it. He saw the inconspicuous signs, like the children’s games on her phone, or her numerous sock collection and bags with youth prints on them. The thumb or finger sucking was nothing new, in addition to her sensory chews.

The private stash of diapers made sense once she explained it, going over the feelings of safety and security. He offered to role-play with her, but she refused, clarifying that littlespace was a part of her, not something she did.

At first, he felt rejected, but Merrill said to not take it too personally, as Ellis was still guarding herself, protecting that one safe haven.

Now, Avery knew what she needed. She needed that safety and security, not just temporarily, but for the long term. She needed to regress to help her let go of past memories and create new ones. And Avery and Merrill were going to help her do just that.

After Ellis was asleep, they sat in the kitchen, drinking coffee and talking while the late-night news channel played in the background. They were finished putting the last things in order for tomorrow. “Do we have everything?” Avery asked.

Merrill sipped his coffee and nodded. They had been setting everything up in the spare room over the past few weeks when Ellis was out. It was large enough to transform into a nursery.

He rattled off the items on the checklist. “Crib, bedding, changing table, clothes, restraints, harness, positioning chairs, bath chair, bottles, pacifiers, diapers, toys, and a playpen. We’re good. How do you think she’ll take to all of it?”

“Oh, I don’t think she’ll be very happy with us tomorrow. But she needs this. We’ll be good caregivers… or daddies, if she wants us to be.”

“I read her thoughts. She wants this, badly, but won’t let herself admit it. I think she’ll settle in well enough after the initial shock.”

“I hope so. Anyway, we should get to bed. Big day for all of us tomorrow.”

Merrill smirked. “Well, we don’t need to sleep right away.”

When morning came, Avery woke up to Merrill already showered and getting dressed. Merrill held up one of Avery’s shirts. “Can I borrow this?”

“Ugh. You slept with me, didn’t cook me breakfast, and now you’re asking to borrow my shirt, that I _know_ I won’t get back? Who do you think you are, my boyfriend?”

Merrill chuckled, then kissed him. “Good morning to you, too. Don’t worry, I’ll cook this time.”

After they ate, they braced themselves to wake Ellis. “Let’s not act like idiots,” Avery said. “We’re going to treat her with respect while we help her get into the proper headspace.”

“Agreed.”

It was eight o’clock and she was still sleeping. Even though she looked peaceful, it was time to get the day started and neither Avery nor Merrill knew how she would react.

Avery went over to her first. “Ellis, sweetheart, time get up,” he said, shaking her arm lightly.

She moaned, turning away from him. “Don’t wanna. Go away.”

Merrill tried next. “How about a warm bath, angel? Wouldn’t that be nice?”

His comment grabbed her attention. “Bath? What do you mean?”

Avery took a breath. It was better that she knew sooner than later. “Remember how we said that we wanted you to take time for yourself and let us take care of things? You don’t need to worry about work anymore. There’s going to be a few changes from now on…”

When he was done explaining their plan, Ellis looked ready to cry. Was she happy? Sad? God, did she hate him now?

His questions were answered in a moment as she threw herself at him, sobbing. He did his best to soothe her until, minutes later, her cries died down into sniffles.

Merrill had his hand on her, helping her calm down. “There we go. You’re all better now, aren’t you? I bet you needed to have a little cry to get all those big feelings out. Good girl.”

Avery comforted her, rubbing circles on her back. “It’s okay to cry. How about that bath now? Sounds good?”

“Bath is good. Why are you wearing scrubs? Are you leaving?” she asked, pulling at his crimson shirt.

“No, sweet girl, I’m not leaving. I just thought it would be easier to wear these today. Do you like them?”

“Yes. Red is pretty.”

What Avery didn’t tell Ellis that while the scrubs were practical, he was also wearing them to hopefully associate her past memories with doctors to something—and someone—more pleasant.

“Come on, honey, bath time,” Merrill said as one would say to any child. He picked Ellis up and wrapped her legs around his waist so that he was holding her toddler style. She was five feet tall and just over one hundred pounds, so carrying her wasn’t an issue for either man, and it would help her get into headspace as they walked to the bathroom.

The house had three bedrooms and two full bathrooms on the second floor, and a half bath on the main floor. Avery and Merrill generally shared the master bathroom, leaving the other one for Ellis. However, they changed it last night while she was sleeping.

“What do you think? Do you like your new bathroom?” Merrill asked, bouncing her a little.

They gave her a minute to take it all in. The previous plain design was replaced with a children’s theme. A shower curtain with a blue whale blowing water greeted her. The towels were a matching blue color and the cluttered vanity was cleared. New bottles of baby shampoo, body wash, and bubble solution sat neatly in place.

A blue, whale-shaped kneeling mat was in front of the tub and Avery pulled back the curtain to reveal a net of toys on the wall. A blue arm rest sat along the edge of the tub, a translucent blue bath mat was on the floor, and a whale spout cover was fitted around the faucet.

“All for you,” Avery said. “Do you want to try for us?”

Ellis blushed, then hid her face in Merrill’s shoulder. “Yes,” she whispered.

“Well, you need to let me put you down, silly girl,” he said as she held onto him. Avery ran the water and sat on the edge of the tub as it filled.

She loosened her grip on Merrill and let go of him as he put her down. She moved to grab her shirt, but he gently pushed her hands away. “No, no. I’ll do it. That’s a big job for a little girl like you.”

Avery watched as Merrill’s small cues helped Ellis unconsciously drop into headspace. She squirmed slightly as he undressed her but was placated as he spoke to her.

“You were such a good girl, letting me undress you. Ready for a bath?”

Avery stopped the water and held out his hand, helping her into the tub. He knelt on the bath mat and laid one arm on the arm rest, while he grabbed some toys out of the net with the other. Merrill handed him two pump bottles, one filled with shampoo and the other with body wash.

As she hesitantly played with the toys, he washed her in a clinical yet caring fashion. Once she was clean, he allowed her to play a little longer before draining the bathwater. She let him take her out of the tub but seemed to grow more nervous as he dried her.

He brushed her teeth but allowed her to use the toilet on her own, stating that it would be the last time. “Everything will be fine. May I carry you? Merrill and I want to show you the nursery.”

Ellis nodded sheepishly as he wrapped the towel around her. Avery took a mental note that she had started to become withdrawn. While mostly attributing her behavior to simple nervousness, he chatted with her as he carried her to the nursery to keep her engaged.

He stopped at the door. “Ready?”

“Ready.”

She gasped when he opened the door.

The room was tastefully painted in neutral, green hues and had a forest-themed border along the top. A tree decal with baby animals was on the back wall and similar forest decals were placed around the room.

An adult-sized crib with a matching, forest-themed fitted sheet was against the left wall with a nightstand next to it, and a changing table sat a few feet away from the door.

An upholstered rocking chair was in the right corner, a wardrobe on one side and a bookshelf and toy chest on the other.

A playmat was in the center of the room with toys scattered around it, and stuffed animals of various sizes were strategically placed around the nursery.

Merrill was at the wardrobe, picking out a plain, light pink bodysuit. He grinned at her. “Well? Did we do good?”

“It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

“Anything for you,” Avery said softly. He wasn’t sure how she would react to what he was going to do next, but it needed to be done.

He laid her down on the changing table and placed the towel under her hips. “Diaper now?” she asked, hopeful.

“No, not yet. I need to shave you, Ellis. Only Merrill or I will do it,” he explained in a light but serious tone. “It’s okay for a caregiver to shave or clean their little’s private area; it isn’t anything except that. Can you be brave?”

Now exposed, she crossed her legs for a moment, thinking. Avery knew she was probably debating if he truly meant that it would be non-sexual. After a minute or two, she nodded to herself. “Yes. It’s okay.”

Avery beamed at her. “My very good girl! Strong girl, being brave and trusting me. I’m going to restrain you, all right? So you don’t accidentally hurt me and so I don’t accidentally hurt you.”

He showed her the four-point restraints and the torso restraint, promising that it would only be for a short time. Merrill left, then returned with the supplies. He stayed at the head of the table, giving her reassurance as Avery shaved her.

“There, all done!” Avery cheerfully patted her leg. “Now, how about we get you into a fresh diaper and have some breakfast?”

Unsurprisingly, Ellis began quietly crying. She had been wanting this type of attention for so long that when she actually got it, she didn’t know what to do. Emotional overload, relief, along with a myriad of other feelings coursed through her, Merrill told him.

Avery decided that it was best to diaper and dress her first before trying to calm her down. He grabbed a diaper and a tube of cream from the shelf under the table and quickly diapered her.

After Merrill undid the other restraints, he pulled a sports bra over her chest and sprayed deodorant under her arms. Avery bunched up the bodysuit and got it over her head and arms, then Merrill sat on the table and leaned her against him so Avery could fasten the snaps at her groin.

All the while, Ellis cried more. Avery was hurt, but he was also relieved that she felt safe enough to cry around them, something she rarely did.

Merrill held her in his lap while Avery grabbed an adult-sized pacifier attached to a blue strap with hearts on it from the nightstand. The pacifier had a blue shield and ring, and its pink button, or centerpiece, complemented her outfit.

Avery clipped the strap onto her bodysuit, took the cap off the pacifier, and pushed the clear nipple into her mouth.

She stopped crying, startled, then began sucking on it experimentally. Her eyes fluttered and she leaned back into Merrill, her breathing gradually returning to normal.

“It looks like she didn’t need my help after all,” Merrill said, surprised.

“It’s called a mute button for a reason, Mer,” he replied, slipping the pacifier cap into his scrub shirt pocket. “Let’s give her a few minutes to calm down and then we’ll feed her.”

He grabbed pink socks to match the bodysuit and put them on her feet. “All pretty in pink, aren’t you?”

As Avery looked at Ellis snuggled up against Merrill, he knew he made the right choice. His heart swelled. She was his baby now and he would keep her safe, no matter what.


	5. Breakfast (A)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No warnings, just baby stuff.
> 
> “Dot” and other cute stuffies can be found here:
> 
> http://www.littleforbig.com/product-category/toys/
> 
> ASL signs learned:  
> 1\. Deer  
> 2\. Please  
> 3\. More  
> 4\. Milk  
> 5\. Hungry  
> 6\. Yes  
> 7\. No  
> 8\. All done  
> 9\. Cereal  
> 10\. Juice  
> 11\. Drink  
> 12\. Medicine

“‘Littles’?” Avery repeated, confused. “I don’t understand.”

He was talking with Merrill over lunch while Ellis was at school, before Merrill moved in with them. Once Merrill revealed that he was involved in BDSM when they started dating, Avery tried his best to learn what he could.

“Yes, littles,” Merrill confirmed. “There are two types: Age players and age regressors, but the term ‘little’ is most often used to refer to the latter. The difference between them is mindset. An age player is an adult in an adult mindset acting the role of a younger age for their kink. They do not actually enter the mindset of a child, and their role in their dominant-submissive dynamic is very strong and in control. More often than not, age play is sexually driven, and it adds to the fun. Does that make sense?”

Avery followed, but didn’t quite understand the motives. “Sort of. What’s the other type?”

“The other type is age regression. This is the majority of the littles I care for at the club. An age regressor is an adult in a child mindset, called ‘littlespace,’ which is the equivalent of subspace. This is oftentimes non-sexual. Do you understand?”

“What makes it so different?”

“An age regressor isn’t acting in the same way an age player is. Once they are past the initial transition into headspace, they aren’t acting at all. Littlespace is an altered and potentially vulnerable headspace in which the individual needs to be treated and cared for as if they were a child, because they assume the actions and behaviors of their mental age during that time period.”

Avery understood this more. He knew that age regression was used therapeutically in some cases, but never to the extent that Merrill was explaining to him now.

Merrill gave him a sly smile. “You know what? I think it’s time you came with me for a night at the club. What are you doing on Friday?”

* * *

After Ellis calmed down, she looked around the room, taking in the assortment of toys and stuffed animals with wide eyes as she sucked on her pacifier.

Avery put her glasses on her, making sure that the new head strap wasn’t too tight. She tried to grab it, but he held her hand. “Would you like to take one stuffie with you to breakfast?” he asked.

Ellis nodded, her face scrunched up in concentration as she scanned the room. He knew she was being serious, but she looked adorable.

Finally, she made a small noise and pointed to a light blue deer sitting near the bookshelf with pink dots and hearts on its sides. It had short, pink antler buds and sported a pink bow tie.

“You want that one? Good choice.”

Now was as good a time as any to begin explaining the rules to her. He walked over and grabbed the toy, holding her attention.

“You’re not allowed to remove your pacifier unless we say it’s okay. You’re too little to be talking so much, sweetie. When you need to speak with us, ask if you may remove your pacifier by tapping it and we will grant you permission or not.”

She tapped the button of the pacifier twice, whining for her new toy.

“Good manners, Ellis, but not yet. Your speaking will be limited, but we still want you to be able to communicate with us when you have your pacifier. Therefore, we’ll be teaching you some sign language.”

Avery put the deer down for a moment and raised his opened hands up to his head. He wiggled his fingers a little, making Ellis laugh.

“This means ‘deer.’ See how my fingers look like antlers?”

Next, he rubbed circles on his chest. “This means ‘please.’”

“Deer, please,” he signed. Then, he spoke. “Now you try.”

She copied his signs and was rewarded with the stuffed deer. She cuddled it and stroked its soft body.

“What will you name it?” Merrill asked.

Unsure, Ellis looked at Avery and tapped her pacifier. She was already looking to follow the rules.

“Good girl. That was a little test and you passed. You may speak.”

The pacifier dropped from her mouth, hanging on the strap. “Dot,” she said. “His name is Dot.”

Dot the Deer. The name was as good as any and, more importantly, it made her happy, so Avery played along. He kneeled down, at eye level with the deer. “It’s nice to meet you, Dot. I’m Avery. That’s a very handsome bow you have.”

Ellis giggled. “Ready for breakfast?” Avery asked as he placed the pacifier back in her mouth. She nodded and held Dot close to her as Merrill carried her downstairs to the living room. Avery walked behind them. As they sat down on the couch, he went to the dining room to get Ellis’ “special chair” ready.

It was actually a special needs chair that he and Merrill could use as a type of mobile activity chair. It would work well as a highchair or anything else they chose to use it for.

The chair sat on an adjustable base that could be raised or lowered, in addition to tilted forward or backward. The green seat, back, and head cushions were contoured and helped to ensure proper posture, along with the chair’s harness and footrest. The tray was adjustable and could be removed if needed, but it could be used to feed Ellis after her morning bottle.

Avery unlocked the chair’s four wheels and pushed it closer to the table. He was sure that everything was set up properly, but he could adjust it if Ellis needed it.

Avery heard Merrill talking in the other room as he got out what he needed in the kitchen to make her bottle.

He added vanilla-flavored nutritional drink powder to a measuring cup of cool water and mixed it together before warming the formula in the microwave. If the formula powder was mixed in warm water, it wouldn’t dissolve properly. She wouldn’t always get a warm bottle, but this was her first feeding and it should be special.

When the microwave beeped, he poured the formula into a bottle and then screwed on the collar and nipple. On his way out, he grabbed a bib.

Avery walked into the living room, carrying her bottle and an adult-sized bib with blue nursery prints on it. She was sitting on Merrill’s lap and looked at Avery in a mix of fear and eagerness. She grabbed Dot from her lap and clutched him close, quickly sucking on her pacifier.

“Let’s try a bottle, little one. I promise it’ll be yummy.”

Merrill reclined Ellis, holding her in a cradled position. Avery was able to fasten the bib around her neck, but she turned her head away when he tried to remove her pacifier, making noises like she was going to cry.

“Oh, I know this is all new and confusing for you, but you’re safe here. Let’s have a nice bottle and then you’ll have some breakfast.”

He pointed to Dot and gasped. “Look! Even Dot’s getting sad! Can you be brave for him and for us and try?”

Ellis blinked and looked at Dot, then at Avery, and nodded. “Good girl. May I please have Dot? I don’t want you to get milk on him. He’ll stay right here where you can see him.”

She let him remove the pacifier and take Dot from her. He held the blue deer in his arm as he handed the bottle to Merrill. Avery took a breath as Merrill guided the nipple into her mouth, hoping she would latch onto it like she did with her pacifier.

Ellis whined in discontent at the intrusion, biting down on the nipple as she looked up at Merrill. “You’re doing great, _mon lapin_. We’re already so proud of you for trusting us.”

Slowly and nervously, she sucked on the nipple twice. Avery and Merrill waited, feeling confident that she would like it. She swallowed the formula and, after a few moments, began gulping the rest, protectively putting her right hand on the bottle.

“Whoa there, you’ll get a tummy ache if you drink it that fast. Let’s take a break for a moment,” Merrill said as he removed the bottle.

“More milk. Hungry,” she protested.

Avery took the opportunity to teach Ellis the signs. He pinched his fingers and tapped his hands together twice. “More,” he said.

“Milk” was made by squeezing his hand, like milking a cow, and “hungry” was made by bringing his hand down from his throat to his stomach. When she was able to somewhat repeat the signs, Merrill resumed feeding her.

When Ellis was finished with the bottle, Merrill burped her, wiped her mouth, then replaced her pacifier and picked her up to bring her to her chair.

Avery wasn’t sure how she would take to it, but he and Merrill were going to get her into it.

Since she was facing Merrill, she didn’t see Avery undo the harness and remove the tray, placing it on the table. Avery gestured to Merrill and he adjusted his grip on Ellis, holding her on his hip so she could see.

She didn’t look impressed, but Avery knew he needed to try to convince her. “Time to sit in your special chair. Then you’ll have breakfast. Look, Dot likes it,” he said, smiling as he sat the deer on the chair.

She tapped her pacifier twice and he nodded in permission. “Special how? Has straps.”

Avery was surprised at how quickly she adapted to limiting her speech, another sign that she was adjusting to the headspace.

“Oh, it’s very special. It has its own table and the cushions are all soft and comfy. And they’re green; I know you like green.”

“Straps,” she reiterated.

He knew he needed to persuade her somehow. “They’re to keep you safe. We wouldn’t want you to fall and hurt yourself. And look, there’s a place to put your feet so they won’t dangle. It also has wheels, so how could you _not_ call it a special chair?”

“Dot stays,” she said flatly, then popped the pacifier back in her mouth. She extended her arm out for the deer, waiting.

Avery could make an exception for that. He and Merrill wasted no time in buckling her into the harness so she was snug against the chair. Merrill strapped her feet onto the footrest, then Avery attached the tray and laid a placemat on it.

Avery put together a bottle of diluted orange juice mixed with laxative powder as Merrill began making farina on the stove.

“I’m surprised at how well the sign language is going,” Avery commented. It was Merrill’s suggestion, but Avery forgot just how involved his boyfriend was in the lifestyle.

Merrill was smug. “When your sub is gagged, it becomes a very efficient form of communication.”

He was a dominant through and through, but that didn’t mean he was without affection or compassion. He was an excellent caregiver to the littles Avery met at the club.

Merrill turned off the heat. “Hand me the brown sugar and the milk, please.”

Avery gave him what he asked for and grabbed a cup of vanilla yogurt from the fridge.

He poured the yogurt into a bowl, then opened a bupropion capsule and sprinkled the powder on one side. He did the same for the methylphenidate, putting it on the other side. Ellis wouldn’t be taking any more pills from now on.

He grabbed an infant spoon from the drawer and walked over to her. She was playing with Dot, but Avery gently placed the deer in her lap.

He raised her chair up before feeding her the yogurt. The medicines went down without her even knowing that she took them. He was careful to make sure her chin stayed leveled and waited until she completely closed her lips around the spoon before removing it straight back out and not at an angle.

This allowed her to actually eat instead of simply being fed. He had seen many people incorrectly spoon-feed infants and children while on a pediatric rotation during his residency. Lifting the spoon and scraping it against the upper lip didn’t teach the child to eat independently.

“That’s good, yeah?”

“Uh-huh.”

Avery leaned forward and took her hand, making a fist and nodding it up and down. “Yes,” he signed and spoke. Then, he pinched his index and middle fingers to his thumb, like a mouth shutting close, and said, “No.”

Ellis watched for a moment, then signed, “Yes. More.”

Her second sign wasn’t perfect, tapping her fists together instead of her fingertips, but Avery lauded the attempt.

“Very good girl! Let’s finish your yogurt, then time for cereal and juice.”

“Medicine?” she asked.

“You already took them, and you didn’t even know!” he replied, giving her the last spoonful. He turned his hands toward him, then faced his palms out, doing the sign twice. “We’re all done.”

He took the empty bowl and moved aside as Merrill walked over with her cereal and juice.

“Cereal,” Merrill signed, bending his index finger and moving it across his face in a zigzag. He had another infant spoon and began feeding her the warm cereal, creamy and sweet.

He stopped after a few spoonfuls. “More?” he signed.

“Yes. More,” she gestured.

When the cereal was gone, he signed, “All done.” He gave Ellis the bottle of juice and signed it, twisting his pinky finger by his mouth.

She took it and drank some, then pushed it away, uninterested.

“Drink,” Merrill signed and spoke, bringing an imaginary cup to his lips. He turned his left hand up and twisted the middle finger of his right hand into his palm, like the motion of a mortar and pestle. “Medicine.”

“You know you have trouble going potty if you don’t take it,” Avery reminded her. “And I know that you don’t taste it.”

Ellis sighed, but picked up the bottle as Merrill tilted the chair back so she could drink from it easier. She made little snuffling sounds as she drank.

“All done,” she signed when she was finished, only rotating her right hand. Some signs would have to be modified, but the intention mattered more than the action.

“Good,” Merrill praised, wiping her face with the bib. “Now, it’s playtime for little girls. Doesn’t that sound like fun?”


	6. Playtime (A)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: Ellis is psychically compelled to wet her diaper and Merrill pushes her into littlespace.
> 
> As you guys have probably noticed, the narrators change every three chapters. The next chapter will start with Merrill.
> 
> Pop-up toy: https://www.amazon.com/Playskool-Favorites-Poppin-Amazon-Exclusive/dp/B00DSIQS6G
> 
> Safari playset: https://www.fisher-price.com/en-us/product/little-people-share-care-safari-fhf35

Avery got out of the car’s passenger seat and followed Merrill into the small and nondescript, hotel-like building. Over the last week, Merrill explained in further detail exactly what he did and what was expected of any newcomers.

Avery met with Cheryl Jones, the owner of the BDSM club, in person at a local coffee shop with Merrill a few days prior. Avery found the meeting with Cheryl unexpectedly warm.

She wasn’t just an owner, but also a participant. Now a psychologist on the young side of forty, she ran the club and supervised a daycare program for littles and middles. When she first met Merrill and learned about his shared interests in BDSM, along with his psychic abilities, she knew that she needed to have him.

She funded his degree in psychology and hired him as a carer at the club. They had a close relationship and she approved of Avery.

“What do you think? Will you be willing to comply with our rules?” Cheryl asked Avery.

“I will. You won't have any trouble from me.”

“What about Ellis? Will she be joining us?”

Merrill nodded. “In time, she’ll join us.”

* * *

Ellis looked at Avery nervously. He could only imagine what she was thinking, unlike Merrill. Was she worried that they were really going to play with her and accept her little side?

“Something along those lines,” Merrill commented lowly. Then, he spoke up. “Come on, bunny. We have lots of fun toys for you to play with.”

“Toys? For me?” she asked, sounding skeptical yet hopeful. “My parents never let me have lots of toys. Said the ones I liked were only for babies.”

That got Avery’s attention. “Did you ever feel like you weren’t supposed to like or want them, that you were ‘too big’ for things like that?”

She nodded, tears filling her eyes. “It wasn’t fair! There were fun toys and I never got any! They were mean to me!”

“I don’t think your parents meant to be mean, sweetie,” Merrill replied. “Everyone needs different things, but sometimes people don’t recognize that. This is what you need now and it’s not something to be ashamed of. What was your favorite type of toy when you were young?”

“Blocks. Do you have blocks?”

“We do have blocks. Would you like to see?”

She nodded, gesturing to the harness. Avery tilted the chair forward, lowered it, and removed the tray. He unbuckled the harness and unstrapped her feet from the footrest, taking her bib and pacifier strap away as well.

She looked at him, scared. “Did I do something bad? I won’t do it again.”

Avery froze as he grabbed the pacifier cap from his scrub shirt pocket. Ellis thought she was automatically being bad and it rattled him.

“No, bunny,” Merrill said, quick to resolve her misunderstanding. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Avy is just going to clean it. You’ll get it back in a little while. We don’t want you to have your pacifier right after you eat to protect your teeth. You don’t want yucky cavities.”

Avery took her hand and helped her out of the chair. “You go downstairs and play with Mer-Mer, honey. I’ll be there in a little bit.”

She wrinkled her nose at the new pet name, but followed Merrill to the basement, nonetheless. Avery and Merrill knew it would take time for Ellis to fully drop into littlespace. Using shortened, childlike names was one way they could help her, even if they weren’t fond of the nicknames.

Avery washed the pacifier in the kitchen and set it on a towel to dry. He took another one from the drawer of little supplies, snapped it onto the blue strap, and slipped it into his pocket. This pacifier was the reverse color scheme of the last, a pink shield and ring with a blue button. He filled a sippy cup with water and took it with him.

When he went downstairs, he was met with Merrill attempting to persuade Ellis to play with some of the soft blocks in front of her as she sat on the playmat. She shook her head and held Dot close to her.

Toys of all types were around her and more sat in the organizer bins against the wall. Avery and Merrill turned half of the basement into a play area for her and, once again, she was probably overwhelmed by the sight of all the colorful toys and the fact that they did it just for her.

Merrill nodded, confirming Avery’s speculation, and took out a pop-up toy from one of the bins. He walked over to Ellis and sat down next to her. “Watch this.”

The toy had doors of different colors and each one had a matching button or switch. When he flipped a green switch, a little giraffe figure popped up from the green door at the end.

She jumped, startled, then giggled. He flipped a yellow switch and an elephant popped up next to the giraffe. “Press this one,” he said, guiding her hand over to a purple button. She did, and was greeted by a panda. The teal door hid a lion and the last door, red, was opened to reveal a monkey.

Avery sat down on Ellis’ other side. “That looked like fun. Would you like to play with some other toys? No one is judging you here.”

Soon, they had her playing with a shape sorter, a ball run, stacking rings, and a safari playset. The ball run held her attention the longest as she repeatedly watched the balls cascade down the funnels and slides, fascinated. In fact, it took some encouragement to break her away from it and play with other toys.

“Here, drink,” Avery said, handing her the sippy cup. She took it by the handle and sucked on the soft spout. She only took a few sips before handing it back to him. “No more.”

He noticed the way she was sitting, propped up on her side. Trying to avoid putting pressure on her bladder.

“If you need to potty, do it. The diaper won’t leak, I promise.”

Ellis squirmed, now visibly uncomfortable. “You’re watching.”

Merrill came up behind her and pulled her into his lap, her back to his chest. “Listen to my voice. Relax, Ellie. We won’t be mad at you. It’s okay, just let go…”

He spoke in a clear voice, firm yet gentle. Avery heard and felt the difference in Merrill’s tone, the voice of compulsion holding his psyche like a moth to a flame. He felt the familiar tingling sensation in his mind and he wanted nothing more than to obey, though he had learned to overcome it.

Merrill’s psychic compulsion worked for a few moments before she tried to break out of his hold. He wrapped his arms and legs around her. “No, no. Just let go, baby girl. It’ll be okay; you won’t make a mess. I want you to let go now.”

Ellis froze, her eyes going wide. Avery watched, mesmerized, as the fight left her. Her shoulders slumped and she fell back against Merrill, completely lax.

Her hazel eyes lost their fear, becoming unfocused. He heard the slight, telltale trickle of urine, knowing Merrill’s compulsion had worked. It wasn’t exactly fair of him to use his ability to force Ellis, but she needed to know that there was nothing wrong with using her diapers.

Her eyes focused again and she looked at Avery. Confusion and disbelief crossed her face as she blushed, most likely realizing her reaction to Merrill’s compulsion. She looked down and put her thumb in her mouth.

Avery went over and gently replaced her thumb for the pacifier, clipping the strap onto her bodysuit. After a few moments, she still refused to look at either of them.

“What’s wrong, Ellie?” he asked. He held her chin in his hand, raising her head to look at him.

“Mad at me,” she muttered around her pacifier.

“Oh, baby girl, it’s all right. We’re not upset with you; that’s what the diapers are for. Little girls like you sometimes need help to potty and that’s okay. What are you afraid of?”

She pushed her pacifier out and looked as if she didn’t see him, despite looking straight at him. “They were mean to me.”

“They” were undoubtedly her parents. She had said before that telling her parents hadn’t gone well.

“I know, sweetie. They were confused, but they never stopped loving you.”

“I’m still a freak for wanting this,” she whispered, barely audible.

Avery and Merrill needed to address this here and now if they were going to make any progress with her. “Okay, that’s _enough_ ,” Merrill said, shifting Ellis around so that he could look at her.

“You are not allowed to repeat that word again, young lady. I’m not even going to acknowledge it after this, because both we and you know that you’re not a freak. Differences do not make you any less deserving of worth or happiness.”

“But—”

He was quick to halt her protest. “Ah, ah, ah. We’ve barely begun here and we have much more to work on before you believe that. For now, you’re not going to say it. Am I understood?”

Secretly, Avery envied Merrill, who was able to assert his directives with unwavering determination. He had authority over his subs, but always with their best intentions at heart.

Ellis’ face shifted and she stared into the distance, spacing out. Merrill shook her lightly, trying to bring her back. “Ellie, do you want to talk about this now, or keep playing and talk later?”

She looked confused at his question, like the dazed expression of a small child. Had it been too many words all at once and she couldn’t comprehend? Or, faced with the memories of her past, did she not _want_ to comprehend?

“Play now and then talk?” He held up a lion figure from the safari playset and placed it in her hand.

She held it and looked at it as if she was unsure what it was. “Play now,” she answered, searching for her pacifier.

Once she was settled and playing contently, Avery gestured to Merrill. “What was that? Were you still compelling her?”

“No, that’s her. She’s at the edge, in between her headspaces, and she’s wavering. Putting up a damn good fight, too.”

“How can we help?”

“By giving her time and continuing to do what we already are. Her little side is trying to emerge, but she’s fighting the regression. Sooner or later, she’ll drop into littlespace. They always do.”

His voice was sure, certain. “How long have you been doing this?” Avery asked.

“Before I met you? Since I was eighteen. So, about seven years all together. There’s a particular, four-step sequence in age regressors that I don’t sense in age players.”

“Which is?”

“Step one is the mental preparation, knowing that they want to regress. Steps two and three go together. The edge is the ‘threshold,’ so to speak, and they begin to drop. That’s where she’s stuck. Every fall has a landing and that’s the final step, the surrender into headspace. A fully regressed little has a different mental signature; a change in flavor, for lack of a better word.”

Merrill had a way of explaining things in a way that everyone could understand. While Avery would never share in Merrill’s psychic abilities, he at least shared in understanding them.

“Do age players change signatures?”

Merrill shook his head. “No, not much. In fact, their headspace doesn’t change, either. Their persona certainly colors their mindset, but it’s no different from an actor performing a character. That is what’s happening, of course. An age player is very much aware of their acting during scenes and they have a clear perspective of their dominant personality when they’re not role playing. An age regressor typically lacks that awareness when in their regressed headspace.”

Music sang from the playset and Ellis yelped, falling backward. Avery and Merrill went to help her. “What happened?” Avery asked with feigned curiosity.

She pointed to a red button on a rock with the lion figure in her hand. “Ah, I see,” he said seriously, in the same way he would address his colleagues. “Good job! These buttons make fun noises, don’t they? I knew you were clever enough to figure it out, smart girl.”

Ellis looked proud, if not a bit embarrassed. She hit another button and a different song began to play. She smiled and laughed, and Avery hoped that she was finally allowing herself to drop into littlespace. Then, the joy that lit up her face was gone in an instant, replaced with fear as she went rigid. The lion figure fell to the floor.

“Whoa. Hey, what’s wrong?”

Merrill seemed to be able to instantly read her and placed his hand on her. “Bunny, you’re not there right now. You’re here, with us. That battle is over.”

“What’s happening to me?”

“Your little side is trying to come out now that it knows it can. You’re safe here; no one will ridicule you. We’re here and treating you like this to give you the encouragement you need to get onto the right track and begin to heal from your past.”

His tone changed and before Avery could register it, Merrill was using the voice of compulsion. “I don’t want you to fight this anymore. I want you to let go and trust us.”

She began crying, though not like she did before. Merrill caught her as she fell and cradled her against him. The broken sobs that racked through her sounded raw, as if she was forcing out the pain.

Merrill removed her glasses and handed them to Avery. He understood, the cold realization hitting him at once as he took them. Merrill was forcing the pain out of _her_.

At the same time, Merrill reassured her that everything would be all right, that she was safe and loved here. 

When she stopped crying, she looked the same, yet different. Somehow, Avery knew he wasn’t looking at his Ellis anymore.

Merrill picked up the lion figure from the ground, holding it in front of her. “Ellie, what does the lion say?”

She smiled, a goofy grin like that of a child. “Woar!” she exclaimed, showing the figure to Avery.

“That’s right, the lion does say ‘roar.’ Doesn’t it, Avy?”

He nodded, taking the figure from her. “Roar,” he confirmed.


	7. Naptime Fun (M)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies! I’m back after seven months with more content. I actually had this chapter started in September, but work kept me from finishing it.
> 
> This marks the beginning of Merrill’s narration. Feel free to leave comments about what you’d like to see!
> 
> Rattle ball: https://www.fisher-price.com/en-gb/product/hello-sunshine-rattle-ball-gjf68
> 
> Content warning: Hard dom/sub sexual activity between Merrill and Avery.

Soft jazz flowed throughout the walls of the bar, across the polished tabletops and lacquered floors. Slow and sweet, like honey. It soothed Merrill’s psychic sense like aspirin to a headache.

Only tonight, the familiar bar wasn’t so familiar. There was a pull drawing him to it, night after night, a pull that he could sense but not name.

There he sat, waiting it out as usual. Waiting until the pull dissipated and he could go home.

“Old fashion, please. Maker’s Mark,” he told the bartender.

The bartender obliged, setting the drink on a coaster. “I’ve seen you here before. Waiting for someone?”

 _I wish I knew_ , Merrill thought. “No, just passing time.”

He sipped his drink. Tonight, he would fight against the pull. He would finish his drink and leave.

He checked his phone. Ten o’clock. _I’m not going to sit here until midnight again._

He tried to focus on his drink, rolling the alcohol on his tongue before letting it slowly burn down his throat.

A man sat down next to him. “Whiskey sour, please. Crown Royal.”

As soon as he spoke, Merrill’s pull evaporated. He was stopped dead and he turned to look at the man. Auburn hair hung down to his shoulders and he wore navy scrubs. Rectangular glasses framed his blue eyes and he nodded to Merrill in greeting.

“Hello.”

Merrill busied himself with his drink to keep from staring. “Hey.” He held out his hand. “Merrill.”

The man shook Merrill’s hand. “I’m Avery. Nice to meet you. Waiting on something? Bar’s kind of empty.”

_I’m not waiting anymore._

Avery’s mental signature shined and Merrill’s psyche was fixed on him. Some unknown element completed a part of Merrill he didn’t even know he was missing and being in Avery’s presence felt indescribably right.

_What was I going to say? Oh, right._

“No. Just here for drinks.”

“Good. Let me buy you one.”

After two drinks and some chatting, Merrill knew why he was here. For whatever reason, he was here because of Avery.

Avery tilted his head. “See something you like? You’re staring again.”

Merrill’s thoughts scrambled. Why couldn’t he talk? “Sorry. It’s just…”

Avery waved his hand dismissively. “Don’t sweat it. I’ve had guys stare at me before. You’re pretty easy on the eyes yourself.”

“Oh?” Was this going where he thought it was?

“Yeah. You’re handsome and easy to be around, even if I am distracting you,” he said with a sly smirk. “Though, I was a little disappointed by your inattention.”

“Then let me make it up to you. You free the rest of the night?”

* * *

Merrill grinned at Avery while Ellis played, who was happy and oblivious to them. That slight push from him was all she needed to drop into littlespace. Her mental signature was within the proper range for a regressor, if not a bit shocked, and holding stable.

Avery’s signature, however, swung like a metronome between concerned and relieved. The raw sound of her crying filled his mind.

“She’s fine, babe,” Merrill explained. “I compelled her just enough to help her drop and no further. I’m sorry if that was difficult to watch, but she’s let go now.”

Merrill watched Avery study Ellis as she played, then stopped her from pulling off the head strap of her glasses. She hit another music button with an elephant figure, clapping and squealing in delight.

“Pwitty song! Pwitty song!”

“That is a nice song, bunny, isn’t it? Do you want to show Avy how it works?”

Ellis pulled on the hem of Avery’s shirt and he indulged her by playing make-believe.

“You like that, huh? What does this button do?”

Almost an hour had passed as Ellis played with them. She had wet again and Merrill checked her diaper.

“We should change her and try to put her down for a nap,” he told Avery quietly, knowing that Ellis wasn’t listening.

Uncertainty filled the silence, then Avery shrugged. “Okay. Let’s see how this goes.”

“Ellis? Ellis.”

She turned around at Merrill’s voice, smiling broadly. “Mer-Mer!” She scooched over and tried to hand him an elephant figure.

“Yes, that’s very nice. That’s an elephant, right? Tell me about it while we change your diaper.”

Avery tried to get her to lie down and Merrill grabbed a diaper from one of the bins.

“No di-di!” she protested. “Play!”

“You need a clean bottom, then you can play more,” Merrill replied.

She fussed and kicked as they worked to lay her down, then threw the toy figure at Merrill’s chest.

“We keep our toys to ourselves, Ellie. Throwing toys can hurt people,” he explained as one would say to any child. She only huffed in response, but there was no use in reprimanding her at the moment because he knew this was new and unknown to her.

Avery unfastened her bodysuit and removed her diaper, then Merrill took her ankles and held her feet on his shoulder as he wiped her down.

“Here, look at this.” Avery shook a rattle ball in front of her, briefly distracting her from Merrill by showing her the fluttering centerpiece that had a smiling sun on one side and rainbow on the other.

The multicolored beads bounced inside the toy and he tried to keep her attention as long as he could, but she started crying again when Merrill put on her new diaper.

Merrill fastened the snaps of her bodysuit while gently compelling her to calm down. “All done. See? That wasn’t so bad.”

Ellis whined and scooched away from them after taking the rattle ball from Avery, going back to playing with her toys for a short while. Neither of them took her reaction personally as they waited for her to settle down. When she started yawning, Avery laid her in his lap as she sucked on her pacifier.

Merrill could sense that even though she was relaxed, she wasn’t going to fall asleep just yet, but now was still a good time to begin her naptime routine. It was nearing ten o’clock and, even though it was still early, Merrill and Avery had discussed having Ellis nap in the morning and in the afternoon, and then transitioning to one long nap in the afternoon if two short naps weren’t enough.

“Want to go read a story in your new room, sweetheart?” Avery asked.

She moaned a muffled response and grabbed for Dot. Merrill handed her the stuffie, then he and Avery walked up to the nursery, with Ellis firmly wrapped around him.

Avery sat on the rocking chair with Ellis and Dot, and Merrill read her two short stories. Coupled with the rocking and Merrill’s light compulsion, Ellis slipped into sleep almost effortlessly. She was barely awake when Avery took the rattle ball from her and they changed her into a striped, pink pajama sleeper suit.

Merrill dropped down the crib’s side railing and placed her into the crib with Dot. He and Avery left her with her pacifier, Dot, and a soft security blanket with foxes on it, and then raised the railing back up. She would get used to sleeping without covers or pillows and it was ultimately safer while she was in her regressed headspace.

“She didn’t seem too keen about the diaper change. What happens if she tries to take her diaper off?” Avery asked Merrill.

“I would treat her the same as any other age regressor and tell her to keep her diaper on so she doesn’t have any accidents. If she takes her diaper off more than two times, she’ll go in the jumpsuit.”

“Jumpsuit?”

Merrill nodded and took out a white, short-sleeved, short-legged jumpsuit from the wardrobe. He turned it around, showing Avery the zip-up back and a buckle between the shoulders that covered the zipper. “This is an anti-strip jumper. Even if she can reach the zipper, she can’t get past the safeguard buckle.”

He slid the red switch open on the buckle. “This is a one-direction switch. To access the zipper, the switch has to be opened before the buckle will release. That’s difficult to do with clothes over the jumper.”

Merrill sensed that Avery was impressed. “It’s not a punishment, just a deterrent. And it’s more discreet than a chastity belt. Some age players at the club like the restraint aspect of the jumper and if they’re goading me for a punishment, I won’t put them in it. But we’ll see how she acts first before we put it on her.”

Merrill took out the baby monitor set from the nightstand and turned it on, adjusting the transmitter’s sound sensitivity and syncing the transmitter and receiver. He pressed a button on the transmitter and yellow stars projected onto the ceiling.

He slipped the receiver into his pocket. “We have about an hour or so. Anything you have in mind?” he asked Avery.

Looking at Ellis, he shook his head. “Dealer’s choice.”

Merrill laughed. “You’ll regret saying that.”

* * *

Merrill knew that Avery hadn’t regretted his choice. Yet.

Avery was tied up in a four-point on his stomach, with Merrill on top of him. Their sexual escapades were nothing short of merciless if they chose to be. Once Merrill introduced Avery to a sexual dynamic, there was no going back.

Merrill grabbed Avery’s short ponytail, pulling on it. “Oh, trust me, you’ll beg to take your words back, pet. I’m not done yet. What should I do with you now?”

He laid a crisp smack on Avery’s already red buttocks. “Ah, I have the perfect idea.”

He got out a harness and an anal hook from his chest of toys, then untied Avery’s wrists and had him kneel. Merrill fastened the harness on his sub, then, not at all gently, pushed him back down on his stomach.

“Head down, ass up. Relax.”

He lubricated the steel hook, then slowly inserted it until the shank rested against Avery’s lumbar.

“How’s that? Feel okay?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. Kneel.”

Avery kneeled back up and Merrill ran a length of rope through the hook’s eye. “Ready? I know you can take it.”

Each end of the rope was fed through the harness rings, then under Avery’s arms, and crossed over his chest on the opposite shoulder.

“Now… How’s this?”

Merrill tied the ends together between Avery’s shoulders and pulled on the resulting loop. Predictably, Avery gasped as the hook was forced deeper inside him, but no harmful pressure was applied anywhere on his body.

Merrill loosened his grip and Avery sighed. “You have a choice. You can either keep kneeling or lie down and put more pressure on the hook. Your ankles will remain bound.”

“Yes, sir,” Avery replied, but Merrill sensed that he thought he was being punished.

“No, pet. This isn’t a punishment, just a new way to play.”

Merrill grabbed the vibrator that was tossed aside and ran it up and down Avery’s shrinking erection. “See? Your cock likes it. It’s waking right back up.”

The tease-and-denial went on until Avery’s legs and core were shaking. “Please, sir. Please.”

“You want to come, do you? You look like you can barely stay up, pet. But you deserve this. You’ve been good to me.”

Merrill untied Avery’s feet and helped him to lie down on his side while keeping slack on the hook. Merrill unfastened the rope binding and harness, removed the hook, then pushed Avery onto his back and stroked his penis.

“I’m going to make sure you enjoy this,” Merrill said before bringing his lips around Avery’s weeping head.

Avery was nothing if not vocal and his cries only served to multiply the psychic sensations Merrill felt. “Oh, fuck! Merrill, please! Don’t—”

Avery’s pleasure brought Merrill greater pleasure and the physical and psychic reactions were intoxicating, every touch and emotion reverberated back to him. His own erection threatened to return, but now was not the time. Now was the time to please his sub.

Merrill took Avery’s erection in his mouth, fervently sucking and stroking. Before long, Avery’s scrotum jerked and he yelled as he spurted warm semem into Merrill’s mouth. Merrill swallowed, impressed and aroused by the taste. “That’s my good boy.”

Avery was breathless. “Thank you, Master.”

“You’re welcome.”

There was a buzz from the dresser and they heard Ellis’ cries on the receiver.

Avery snapped out of the afterglow in an instant. Merrill held up his hand to Avery and pushed him back down as he tried to get up. Merrill grabbed the receiver and spoke into it. “It’s okay, sweetheart. We’ll be right there.”

He nodded to Avery. “Now you can get up and get dressed. It’s okay for her to wait a few minutes. Are you okay?”

Avery grabbed his scrubs from the floor as Merrill was getting dressed and kissed him. “Does that answer your question? Let’s go get our girl.”


	8. Signature (M)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: Ellis has a panic attack about her past and becomes mute.
> 
> ASL signs learned:  
> 1\. Apricot [invented]  
> 2\. Chicken  
> 3\. Diaper  
> 4\. Sticker  
> 5\. Pacifier

“It’s a yellow star. Try to think of something more difficult,” Merrill said. His replies were effortless and almost bored, as if reciting answers from a test. After three dates, he decided it was time to tell Avery about his psychic abilities.

For twenty minutes in the park, Avery had been thinking of a color and a shape, and Merrill answered each one correctly.

“Pink crescent. That makes it, what, twenty-one now?”

Avery was dazed in disbelief, shaking his head. “I don’t understand. It shouldn’t be possible.”

Merrill waved a fly off the bench. “It is possible. Let’s see…”

He looked around the park and pointed at various people. “The mother with the stroller is thinking about her baby’s playdate. That jogger over there is thinking about training for a marathon. And the dog walker is thinking about cats.”

“Really, cats?”

Merrill didn’t even so much as look back at Avery. “Yes. She thinks dogs are too energetic for her to have one, but she does it for the money. She wants a cat instead.”

Avery’s mental signature and emotions shifted, becoming still like a placid lake. He finally believed Merrill. “How long have you been able to do this?”

“I’ve read thoughts since I was twelve, but I’ve felt and affected other people’s emotions all my life. I don’t know why I can do it all, but I try to use it to help people. Like at my job, for instance.”

“What’s your job?”

Merrill chuckled and looked back at Avery. “That, my friend, is a talk for another time.”

Avery laughed in reply. “Well, I do know this great bar. Perhaps you’ve heard of it?”

* * *

Merrill finished getting dressed and after quickly brushing his hair, he was out the door with Avery.

Both men were thankful that Ellis’ nursery wasn’t close to the master bedroom. Trying to explain their sexual activity to a woman who currently had the headspace of a toddler would be ineffective at best and frustrating at worst, especially if she became preoccupied with an idea the way most young children did. They would never hear the end of it.

Now was not the time to mention incorporating sex into her little play, especially because she just began her regression. That time would come later, if it came at all, with the awareness of an adult headspace.

They walked into Ellis crying, her face red and her nose running.

With a simple read of her thoughts and emotions, Merrill knew the problem right away. But he would let Avery try to calm her down first, because Merrill wouldn’t always be around to use his compulsion.

Avery took her out from the crib and she latched onto him, wailing. He held her on his hip and rocked side to side while rubbing her back.

Ellis continued to cry.

Avery sat with her on the rocking chair, sang to her, bounced her, and rubbed her back, but nothing seemed to soothe her. She just kept crying. Wailing. Screaming.

“Come now, sweet girl,” Avery murmured softly, pacing down the hallway and bouncing Ellis lightly. “Calm down. You’re making Avy worry.”

Twenty minutes had passed and Merrill let it go on long enough, but Avery tried his best. He couldn’t be faulted for that. “Give her to me.”

Avery gave her to Merrill and he sat down with her on the rocking chair. “I’m so sorry, bunny. I didn’t know,” he crooned. “I promise you’re safe here.”

After a few minutes of rocking and compulsion, Ellis’ cries died down enough that Merrill wiped her face, put her glasses on, and tried her pacifier. She took to it instantly and curled into his chest.

The crying jag had her physically spent and mentally exhausted, but Merrill didn’t try to bring her attention back yet.

“What… was that?” Avery asked, distressed. “I’ve never seen her that upset before.”

“She wasn’t upset; she was terrified. She didn’t remember falling asleep here and since she woke up in a new place—alone, might I add—with no memory of how she got there, she was afraid something ‘bad’ was going to happen to her.”

He sighed, reading further into her psyche. How could he not have known this before? How did he miss it?

“She was given sedatives prior to her medical appointments and procedures as a child. Either held down for injections or forced to drink oral sedatives. No recollection, then waking up around unknown people doing unknown things to her. Her sense of safety and security was—and still is—completely destroyed.”

Avery’s signature plummeted and he stared into the distance as he was overtaken by hurt and guilt.

“Don’t do that, Avery. Don’t blame yourself. You didn’t do this and neither did I. We can help her recover from her past. For now, she doesn’t wake up alone.”

Avery nodded, but his stare was still far away.

Merrill stood up with Ellis. “Come on. Let’s bring her downstairs with Dot and we’ll see how the rest of the afternoon goes.”

They went downstairs into the basement and tried to get her to engage. A panic like the one she had would either jolt her out of littlespace or keep her regressed further, but only time would tell.

Merrill put the safari playset in front of her and showed her the elephant figure.

“Come on, angel. I know it’s hard, but can you say elephant? I know you can. Ellie-phant! Like you! That’s a funny sound, isn’t it? Do you want to try?”

Almost imperceptibly, Ellis shook her head.

“No? That’s okay. You just take your time, but you can talk anytime you want, all right?”

Merrill looked at Avery. “When she’s ready,” he whispered. He turned his attention back to Ellis. “Sweetheart, do you want some lunch? Are you hungry?”

Nearly unnoticed, Ellis nodded.

“Okay. That’s a start, right?” Merrill tried to keep his voice upbeat amidst the uneasiness between the three of them. “Let’s go get some yummy food.”

Avery got her set up in her special chair with Dot while Merrill looked for something suitable for her to eat. Chicken would do, and they knew she liked apricots. Perhaps she would still like them while she was regressed.

Testing the idea wouldn’t hurt, so Merrill took one out from the fridge, then sliced and mashed it. He brought some over to Ellis, removed her pacifier, then held the spoon up to her mouth, waiting to see what she would do. She sucked on it, then, after finding it agreeable, took it in her mouth.

Juice and pulp ran out from her lips as she chewed and Merrill wound up feeding her two apricots.

He didn’t know if there was an official sign for apricot, so an invented one would work fine. Merrill put his hand in front of his mouth and squeezed it, then made two fists and bumped his right fist down into his left, like smashing rocks. Technically, he had just signed “orange rock,” but it would work for apricot. An apricot was a stone fruit, after all.

Before giving her the chicken, he mashed it as well and added some broth. Since he didn’t know her mental age just yet, he didn’t want to risk choking if she had difficulty chewing. Until he confirmed it over the next few days, but estimated younger than two years old, she would be on a soft food diet with minimal chewing.

“Chicken” was signed by making a beak shape with his thumb and index finger and tapping them together, like a pecking bird.

Slowly, Ellis was able to copy the signs after she finished eating, then signed, “Drink.”

At least she was communicating somehow. Merrill got her a bottle of diluted apple juice and Avery helped her drink it. When she was finished, Avery took her out from the chair, holding her on his hip. “What now?” he asked.

“Let’s—”

Ellis’ crying interrupted Merrill’s reply as she kicked and twisted away from Avery.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Avery asked.

The straining of her face and her squirming was evident. Merrill knew those signs; they were the signs of someone who was in the middle of potty time.

Merrill took Ellis from Avery and squatted down with her, leaning her against him for support. “You’ll feel so much better when you let go. Just push it all into the diaper, then we can clean you up and you can be our happy little girl again.”

She held onto him and squeezed, her body contracting as she messed her diaper. She no longer suffered from chronic constipation thanks to her laxative regimen, but her core muscles were weak. Physically, it was still difficult for her, even though the osmotic laxative helped to ensure additional water retention in her colon.

When she was finished, Merrill took her upstairs to change her diaper and she began crying as he set her down on the changing table.

“Oh, no crying now, bunny. Look at what a sad face you have when you cry! I know it’s no fun to be in a messy diaper.”

He removed Ellis’ sleeper, then had Avery fasten the torso restraint. Merrill put his hands by his waist and tapped his index and middle fingers to his thumbs. Even though Ellis could only use her right hand, they would still understand her. “Diaper.”

Merrill snapped on a pair of gloves, the same protocol he followed when changing any messy diaper, whether from an age regressor or an age player.

He started to untape her diaper. “Babies have to use their diapers because that’s how they potty and there’s nothing wrong with that. First, let’s get you out of that icky diaper. No baby likes to be in an icky diaper, do they?”

Ellis almost started crying again, but Avery distracted her with the rattle ball for a few moments.

“It’s okay. You’re just a little baby and you don’t know any better.” Merrill continued talking in a soothing tone. He lifted her legs, removed the diaper, and wiped her down. “Now, let’s get your leggies up. We’re getting you all cleaned and refreshed. Doesn’t it feel so nice?”

Ellis was more interested in watching the rattle ball, looking around for it when Avery stopped, but at least she didn’t fight Merrill this time.

“Do you know why diapers are so nice? Because there won’t be any accidents. None at all! You’ll feel so secure and comfortable in a fresh diaper, won’t you? Isn’t that so nice?”

He took out a fresh diaper and fluffed it before putting it under her bottom, then added a layer of cream on her anal area and perineum before beginning to tape up the diaper. “Yay! You did it!” he exclaimed when he was finished. “That wasn’t scary at all!”

The talking and praise would hopefully help her become more comfortable with diaper changes as time passed. He threw the gloves and the used diaper away, then got out her pink bodysuit.

“Now we put this on and we can go watch some fun shows. But, do you know what you get first?”

Ellis shook her head.

“You get a sticker!”

Merrill touched his thumb and index finger to his other hand, as if sticking something on a piece of paper. “Sticker.”

He took out a jungle sticker set from the nightstand and removed the plastic. He took out five, blank jungle and savanna scenes. “I have these wonderful pictures, but there’s a problem. You see, they don’t have any animals. I was hoping you could help me add the animals.”

He took out the matching sticker sheets that were filled with cling-style animal stickers. “Which picture would you like to do first?”

She picked a river scene and chose a leopard to go on a rock, looking down into the water.

“When you have good behavior or do something we ask of you without fighting, you’ll get a sticker. Once there are enough stickers, we can finish the picture. When you finish the picture, you’ll get a reward. These are special stickers, so we can use them again.”

Merrill learned much from his experience as a carer at the club. Once a little was given an incentive for good behavior, even something small such as a sticker, it kept them interested in getting better.

Ellis looked thoughtful at his explanation, then nodded.

“Good. Let’s get you dressed.”

They dressed her in the bodysuit, then she pointed to her pacifier strap that was still clipped to the sleeper.

“Oh, I’m so silly! I forgot about your paci!”

Merrill retrieved it and clipped it to her bodysuit. He moved his thumb and index finger toward his mouth, as if putting a pacifier in his mouth. “Pacifier.”

Ellis copied the sign, then he put the pacifier in her mouth. “Smart girl.”

He smiled brightly. “You’ve been a very good girl today and you deserve a reward. Let’s go back downstairs and we’ll let you pick out a movie for all of us to watch. Won’t that be fun?”


End file.
